The God Damned Americans

I told Jesse that I have writer's block again and HE said, "There's no such thing as writer's block. There are plenty of things you're thinking of writing, you just don't think any of them are any good. You have approval block."

And because Jesse's always right (except when he's wrong), I'm going to sit here and try to pull the bar (bra) down and just write what I am thinking of writing.

Here goes:

For the first several minutes of being awake this morning, I repeatedly said to Eric,

"Hasta la pizza!"

Then, I stood up and did a wiggly dance and told him to look at me because I was doing this wiggly dance and he asked me what my dance was called and I said,

"The Spaghetti"

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One of my favorite lines that I've ever written is, "8 balls aching to pocket."

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Last night I dreamed that I was in prison

I don't remember what I did to get there, but I know that it wasn't a very serious crime and that really, I wasn't even sure how long that I would be in there. The only thing that I do remember knowing is that I did NOT murder anybody.

I remember recess and walking around, not knowing quite what time it was or how much time that was left before I had to return to my cell, so I walked to find where the other inmates in my wing were and they were all sitting in a circle on those blue plastic chairs that you have in elementary and high schools.

At some point, I passed Ted Carstensen (my friend) and he was working on a computer behind bullet-proof glass.

I was carrying a pair of white high-top Nikes and I remember that I was very proud of them and loved them very much and a girl passing by me to go outside, spotted my sneakers at the last minute and when I snatched them up, she said, "I'MMA GET THOSE SNEAKS DIRTY" and I said, "noooooooo, they're white!"

Shortly afterward I was walking down my wing of the prison and someone was yelling INSPECTIONS and girls were standing in front of their cells.

I was at the end of the row, so I ran down to the end and into my cell and began cleaning up.

I had a lazyboy chair smack in the middle of my cell, for whatever reason.

High class, huh?

The woman who came in to inspect my cell wiped bird shit all over my carpet (high class, huh)

and then she was asking me about my degree in photojournalism and told me that I should start a company when I got out of the big house.

Maybe I will, officer.

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HA

I just stood up and my debit card was stuck to my ass.

What a god damned American.

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Jesse also said to me this morning, "As your attorney I advise you to listen to heart of glass sometime today."

And I said, "As your attorney I advise you to listen to bad boys by Miami Sound Machine sometime today."

Bad,bad,bad,bad boys. (You make me feel so good)

No but seriously, today's musical upload to Tumblr is going to be The Bouncing Souls- Ole.

Bouncing Souls no one can beat us, we drink beer and wear Adidas!

What god damned Americans.

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